The more things change, the more they stay the same

25 years ago

Let’s see if my memory is even close to correct. April 1983 – I was 28 years old, engaged to be married, working in Imperia’s cabinet factory, planning a Patriots Day weekend get-away for me & Sue, preparing for another softball season, living at home after a year of living in Halifax with brother Wes and friend Deane S. and I wasn’t playing in a band at the moment. I did believe that love and marriage were a lifelong thing, and thankfully I had found someone who I could easily envision spending that much time with. I assumed we would have a few children, and we would go on lots of adventures, hiking/camping trips, play and coach sports teams, and have a happy idyllic life. I assumed that I would work until retirement age, and that Sue would finish college and go on to some interesting career – but neither of us would be in “all-consuming jobs” that leave little time for family and fun. I assumed that we would enjoy grandchildren, growing old together while continuing to adventurously explore the world, and eventually I (being 8 years older) would die first.

Now – 25 years later

Cardinal Sean O’Malley celebrated a special anniversary Mass for any couples in the Archdiocese who would celebrate 25 or 50 year anniversaries in the current calendar year of 2008. That’ll be us on August 27th.

http://www.thebostonpilot.com/article.asp?ID=6185 (we’re quoted)

http://thepilot.dotphoto.com/CPViewAlbum.asp?AID=5202456&IID=187065154&Page=1

http://thepilot.dotphoto.com/CPViewAlbum.asp?AID=5202456&IID=187065154&Page=1

Making it to 25 years I would have predicted, but it didn’t occur to me that I would be a Catholic. I’m working at Imperia (again – after moving to a few other companies along the way) in the office, planning a Patriots Day weekend get-away for me & Sue, preparing for another softball season (Nikki’s 6th-8th grade town league team), and not currently playing in a band (the recent audition didn’t pan out – yet). I live at home (mine/ours – not Mom’s). I still believe that love and marriage are life-long, and I love the prospects of sharing it all with Sue. I sometimes find it discouraging that time and money are too often too tight to allow the amount of adventuring and exploring I envisioned, but we still manage to squeeze in a bit now and then. Although I never would have planned on seven (and then some) children, and despite the fact that "they" can at times be all consuming (making "us" a nice theory on paper but often a difficult one to actually demonstrate in real life), they are all special and each one brings something to my life that makes it more special. Despite my occasional complaints about the sheer volume of kids, at the same time there is of course not one that I regret or love less. (don’t get me wrong – that doesn’t mean that any given moment on any given day I wouldn’t eagerly trade any one of them straight up for one of their polite friends) Of the many Foster Children who didn’t stay, there were many that I could simultaneously wish they individually did and be glad they collectively didn’t. I assume that I will have to work well beyond retirement age. Last year, Sue finished college (well, she got her 1st degree – although she probably isn’t actually “finished” yet) and with any luck will find a new interesting career – one that will afford us more family time and adventures. None of the kids are likely to be giving us grandchildren in the near future – if I had to venture a guess, no earlier than 3 years away. As our children grow older, Sue and I should be able to start finding more time to adventurously explore more of the world – let’s hope while I still have the strength of body and soundness of mind to do so. At present, I INSIST that I die first (although if I’m still alive once the kids are all independent adults, I might relax that demand).

Next 25 years

I’d be 78 years old (and STILL 8 years older than Sue) which would make me a rarity compared to my male ancestors from both sides of my gene pool. I pray that Sue will still be as giddily in love with me as she was 25 years ago and still is today (if I screw that up, I don’t deserve to live that long anyway). I pray that as more and more kids move on to independence that I more and more rededicate time and attention to Sue. I will probably NOT be in a band at that point (at that point, country-western would be my only viable option and she never really cared for that), but I hope I am still able to play the guitar. I hope we both will be healthy enough to do some mountain climbing between now and then – I really want her to see the view of Baxter Peak from Chimney Pond Cabin and then of Chimney Pond from the Knifes Edge on Mt Katahdin. At 78 I hope I can at least enjoy fall walks in the woods. At 78 I hope I can proudly stand before the Cardinal in some grand cathedral, with my 70 year old trophy wife of 50 years – the continuing love of my life, surrounded by loving children and grandchildren whom we have stayed close to (not TOO close) and been an inspiration to. I promise that I won’t give her a hard time about spending money on a new dress for the occasion, or about calling the Mass a ‘wedding’. If she is willing to hold my hand and publicly and unashamedly repeat those vows to me for a third time, I shall be the happiest and most fortunate old geezer in the world – just like in 1983 and 2008. And – the same as each of those occasions – I will pray that I have been and can continue to be deserving of her adoration.
(some things will never change)