Pulling Rank

After all the grief she gave me about wanting to buy a pickup truck, now that we have it - when we both have to go in different directions at the same time, she wants to drive it. In fact, she even resorts to reminding me of the technicality that it is HER truck.

(but she does look so darned good wearing my plaid jacket, my cowboy hat, and sittin' behind the wheel of my - yes, technicalities be damned, I said MY - pickup truck)

(and wait til Julie starts driving it - also wearing my cowboy coat & hat. Every teenage boy in Carver will suddenly "go Country" and start drooling. There will definitely be songs written about her - think Colin Raye "My Kind Of Girl" or Brooks and Dunn "Rock My World Little Country Girl" - no, I don't want to think about it)

(I'm gonna get stuck sharing the station wagon with Tim, aren't I?)

Truckin' like the Do Da Man

Her Majesty's fathers Malibu has officially died. I have been dreading this moment knowing the sentimental value it holds for her, but have been looking forward to replacing it. We already have the 15 passenger van and the station wagon, so I envisioned that a pickup truck would be viable and useful as the third vehicle. It is the vehicle I will typically drive to work in, go to the dump, pick up hay & grain or a load of mulch with, load a canoe and pond equipment into (if "pond equipment" confuses you, you have obviously never gone swimming with this family), etc...

My only real guidelines were that it was a club cab (with back seat of some sort), less than full size ( for gas economy), and mechanically sound (didn't have to be "pretty").

Well the tax return is in and the truck is ours (notice I say "ours" not "mine").

It is two years older than the Malibu was, but has 40,000 fewer miles.

It is in immaculate condition - body and interior - and fire engine red.

It even has a cap, visor, tow hitch, 5-speed & 4x4 - complete bonuses.

The kids are excited beyond belief.

And because the Malibu was in Sues name, to simply transfer the plates meant that the truck had to be the same.

And because the Taurus was technically sold from her parents estate to her for $1, that car is also soley in her name.

And when we got the money to buy the van, she shopped while I was at work and bought it on the spot - so that ended up soley in her name.

So I don't have a single vehicle with my name on it.

So now it's truly "til death do us part" - because even if I wanted to leave her, I don't have a get-away car!

Thankfully she still loves me and lets me drive HER new pickup truck.

(and nobody can suggest that it reflects a mid-life crisis or 2nd childhood issue for me - it's hers, not mine)

The Parental Dilemma

In a very simplistic nutshell, a successful parent raises a child to be able to make good decisions as an adult.

The dilemma is that after spending 20+ years choosing, guiding, protecting, and overseeing their every move you don’t actually know how well you have taught and how well they have learned – until you step back and let them succeed or fail on their own. This totally contradicts every move you have made for 20+ years. But one day they say “I Do” and you have to say “I won’t”. And then they get confronted with a BIG decision which will raise the all important question – “who makes the decision?” Again, they must say “I Do” and we must say “I won’t” – but it’s not easy. How much advice do you give before it crosses over into telling them what they should do? (When they are kids you basically tell them what to do but try to make it sound like advice) Will I be able to make the transition?

My beautiful oldest daughter Mary is very smart, creative and talented. Her husband Matt is apparently very much her equal in these regards. Their unique talents and focuses are in different fields but there is every indication that they will each excel in their chosen careers. Matt graduated from college and stepped right into his dream job (computer game designer/programmer) almost two years ago. Mary graduated last year and is now working on her masters (Colonial American History/Artifacts - museum stuff) which will take another year still. So in a sense, Matt is three years ahead of her on the career track, and was recently recruited for a prestigious position. What could be better than your dream job? Doing your dream job on a ground breaking project under the direction of Steven Spielberg – that’s what.

But it would require moving to Los Angeles.
But it would be working with Steven Spielberg.
But it would be a major setback in Mary’s career track.
But it would be a top secret project – with Steven Spielberg.
But it would be a difficult move -- logistically, financially and personally.
But it would be a promotion on a top secret project with Steven Spielberg.

In the end we are proud to say they made a wise decision, and I believe in the end, mostly on their own. They recognized that all that glitters isn’t guaranteed to be gold, and that the risk and anxiety and disruption of their current good life was not worth the bragging rights or a promised new life. Matt loves his current job, which he is very good at and his talents are clearly recognized and appreciated. Mary loves her current studies and is clearly honing her talents towards a fruitful future. They love each other and their surroundings. They have a very good life and are smart enough and wise enough to recognize and appreciate and embrace it. They have decided to keep it.

I wonder if this will make it easier to not interfere with their future big decisions. We really had to measure what we said and how we said it. (I think Susie & I did a good job!)

Will it be easier to do the same for the other children when their times come?

At what point do we get to say we were successful parents?

Lent & the IRS

My Lent has been full of waiting and preparing and waiting. I start each day's drive to work (or elsewhere) with an Our Father, and I tack on a request for Him to see me safely to my destination without accident or incident. This is not so much a sacrifice but a necessity - I am waiting for our Malibu to die. It is dieing a slow but steady death and probably (hopefully) won't make it 'til Good Friday. It certainly won't be resurrected by anyone (transmission, front end, suspension, exhaust, ABS system, an unsolved intermittent dashboard electrical problem, and a constant check engine light). So I am preparing to buy a new used vehicle to take it's place. What I really want is a club cab pickup truck (a cap, trailer hitch and 4x4 would be cool but not a necessity). The little kids are ecstatic and Sue has bought into the idea (so now she's hoping for a 5-speed). Tim is leery about the prospects of a truck and a manual transmission, Corey (who should have his license in a few months) figures if Mom can drive a stick so can he, and Julie (who actually can get her permit anytime now) likes the idea of wearing my cowboy hat, driving a truck, blasting Brooks & Dunn and singing at the top of her lungs. So I have been shopping and am prepared to buy. We even (vaguely) have the money, except we are waiting for the IRS to send it so I can't actually do the deal yet. Let me tell you how this little hitch annoys used car salesmen (funny there are almost NO used car saleswomen). They can't understand why I wouldn't just get a personal loan using my pending tax return as collateral, but I know who did the taxes (me) so I don't fully trust that I didn't make some minor mistake that means I owe them $5000 or something.

So we wait, and pray, and prepare, and wait -- not so patiently (I could have really used that 4x4 today with the snow & ice)

Busy Signal

So - can you tell work has gotten busier for me?